A Perfect Game

Alana R

A Perfect Game

Right Player of the Game: Alana 🏆🎳⚽️🧠

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give a standing ovation (or at least a polite nod) to Alana, the Jared ⚽️ Whisperer, the Team Psychiatrist, and the pride of our building. Fresh off the streets of New York, she has adapted to Miami life by wrangling her pain-in-the-ass dog, Tito, and cohabitating with the love of her life, Matt—a devastatingly handsome young man from Connecticut.

Last night, Alana made history. Well, her history. She bowled a career-high 129, a score so impressive it nearly caused Jared to reconsider all his life choices (which, according to Alana, are all wrong anyway). She dominated the lanes while simultaneously wondering why she was even there, given that she’s always working, doing Pilates, yoga, or keeping her best friend, Vincent (yes, the Commissioner), company.

But let’s not forget the true tragedy of the evening—Brian Fitzgerald was absent, undoubtedly off gallivanting, missing what will surely go down as one of the greatest nights in bowling history. To put Alana’s triumph in perspective, she outscored Jeff Saunders🦵⚽️🏌️‍♂️⛳️ by 60 points—SIXTY! Jeff, we don’t know what happened, but we hope you’re okay.

So let’s all raise a glass (or a bowling ball) to Alana, who led her team to glory, kept Jared in check, and made Tito proud (even though he has no idea what’s going on). Take a bow, Alana—this is your moment! 🎉🎳🔥